


Falling

by Sent2TheBeast



Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: 2x08, M/M, season 2 episode 8
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-18
Updated: 2017-02-18
Packaged: 2018-09-25 07:26:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,304
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9809240
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sent2TheBeast/pseuds/Sent2TheBeast
Summary: What I want to happen for that promo clip where Alec is standing at the edge of the roof.





	

_Seeing you here makes me sick. You're a murderer nothing more._

Clary's words, her anger, her disgust, her...  _hatred_ echoed in Alec's ears as he slipped quietly away from Magnus' apartment, out onto the balcony, barely able to keep himself standing. 

Something had gone horribly wrong. That was the only thought Alec had running through his mind as a wave of guilt slammed into his chest, and knocked the breath out of him. Alec felt tears welling up in his eyes, and fought hard to hold them back as he crawled higher and higher and higher up the fire escape. Collapsing on the ground as soon as he had dragged himself up on the roof of the building. The gravel and dirt dug into his hands as he pushed himself upright into a standing position and made his way to the edge of the roof, tucking his knees underneath him as he leaned against the wall. 

 _You're a murderer. You're a murderer. Murderer._ Alec rubbed at his hand, wishing for the sharp bite of pain he had carried with him for days after Jocelyn's death, and being met with nothing. He slammed his fist angrily into the dirt and jumped up. He paced back and forth, wind tousling his hair, traffic from the street filling the silence. 

Alec felt his throat go tight as images of the demon attack flicked through his mind. Blood dripping from his fingertips, Clary's mother laying on the floor with her heart ripped out of her chest, Clary's face...Clary's...face heartbroken and lost and filled with a rage that she could barely contain. And  _he_ was the reason she looked like that,  _he_ was the reason Clary had sat staring off into the distance with Simon's arms wrapped around her, while  _he_  rubbed his heartfelt, touching family reunion in her face. 

He looked down at his hands, and froze. He was standing with his feet peeking out over the edge of the roof. He stared down, confused as to how he had suddenly found himself there, and for a fleeting moment he thought about what it would feel like to just...step off the edge. To fall, to perhaps see what it might be like to fly. He paced the edge, pushing aside the instinct to fear losing his balance, wondering if maybe that wouldn't be so bad. His heart pounded in his chest and he couldn't seem to catch his breath, his fingers trembled, he thought he might collapse. He closed his eyes, he tried to steady his breath, he wanted desperately to jump, to end the pain, the guilt, the anger. He wante-

"Alexander," Magnus' voice quavered even as it attempted to appear calm.

Alec flinched upon hearing his name. 

"Alexander, can you turn around for me? Please?"

Alec balled his hands into fists and forced himself to spin on his heels, shame flooding his face. He couldn't bring himself to look Magnus in the eyes, nor to step down off the ledge. "Mags," his voice broke. 

"Alexander, look at me,"

"I-I can't," 

"Please," 

"I can't, Magnus, I can't, I can't, I can't," the words tumbled out of his mouth. 

"Alexander," Magnus took a step closer "Can you step on to the roof?"

 Alec sniffed, but stood firm, grappled between self preservation and the overwhelming guilt eating away at him. 

"Alexander," Magnus' voice lost all control, and grew thick with sadness and shaky with worry. "You don't want to do this, Alec."

"Why not?' Alec snapped, "All I've ever done is hurt people. Lie to them, lie to myself, kill things...I'm a murderer, Magnus. I...ripped Jocelyn's heart out of her chest with my bare hands. _I_ did that," 

"Alexander, that wasn't you." Magnus took another step forward "You know that, I know that, Clary knows that. Nobody blames you for what happened," 

"I do!" Alec screamed, Magnus looked as if he had been slapped "And Clary does! She just told me I was nothing more than a murderer!" 

"She's not herself, Alec." Magnus' voice grew quiet, and uncertain "Something is going on in there, and I seem to be the only one that knows anything is different," 

Alec stopped "What-what do you mean?"

"I mean...this isn't you. You don't want to do this. Everyone has been acting strange. I mean, I'm not quite certain something isn't playing with your self doubts, exploiting them, trying to push you over the edge. Alexander...please, let me help you, please step on to the roof, let me make sure you're safe. Alexander, I've been where you are, trust me, it's not a good place. Just come down off the ledge, let me help you," 

"What do you mean you've been where I am?"

"You'll have to step down on the roof to unlock my tragic backstory, darling," the attempt was half-hearted, but Alec could see the toll this conversation was starting to take on Magnus, and he couldn't be responsible for hurting anyone else. He stepped on to the roof, and ran straight into Magnus' arms, the tears he had been fighting spilling out across Magnus' suit. Magnus wrapped his arms tightly around Alec's shaking body. 

Everything Alec had been pushing down, every sensation of guilt, of hurt, of betrayal. Every moment of hopelessness he'd felt searching for Jace. Every moment of doubt he'd suppressed beginning his relationship with Magnus. Every night he'd been woken up by nightmares and spent the rest of the night staring sleeplessly up at the ceiling came crashing down upon him. He couldn't catch his breath, Alec felt as if he were three seconds away from fainting, his face growing numb as he started hyperventilating. 

"Hey," Magnus traced gentle patterns across Alec's back "It's okay. You're safe. I'm here. I've got you," Magnus pressed a kiss to Alec's forehead. "Thank you, for not dying on me, Alexander,"

Alec sniffled, burrowing his head into the crook of Magnus' shoulder. 

Magnus chuckled lowly "You know, I have a strong sense of deja vu right now. Except, the last time I was in this position, I was the one who needed to be talked down," 

Alec looked up into Magnus' eyes, concern wrinkling his forehead. 

"Believe me, Alexander, I am not as infallible as you might think. Even I have my moments of darkness," 

Alec turned his head so his face was pressed into Magnus' neck and drank in the smell of his skin. "I'm sorry," he murmured. 

Magnus shook his head gently "This is not the time to worry about me, darling," 

Alec looked up, searching Magnus' face for... _something_ that would give away what Magnus was feeling, but he had had hundreds of years to craft the perfect poker face. Alec pressed his forehead against Magnus' and pressed a soft kiss to his lips. "I'm sorry that I scared you," 

"I'm sorry you've been carrying this pain, Alexander," Magnus wiped the tears from Alec's cheeks "And I promise you, we'll talk about all of this. But right now, I need your help. I think somebody spiked the punch, or something, everything downstairs is turning into chaos. How are you feeling? Do you need some time?"

Alec straightened up in Magnus' grasp and steeled himself, as if he were preparing for battle "No, I'm okay. Or...I'll be okay. It sounds like there are more pressing matters right now," 

Magnus smiled softly, and pressed a gentle kiss to Alec's forehead "Okay," he dropped his arms from Alec's body and intertwined their fingers. 

The feeling of Magnus' hand in his made Alec blush, and he felt his knees go weak with surprise, and pride that Magnus Bane the High Warlock of Brooklyn was currently holding. His. Hand. Alec squeezed Magnus' hand tightly and smiled. "Magnus?"

"Yes, darling?"

"I'm really glad that I met you," 

 

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you guys so much for reading. If you have questions, comments, concerns, critiques (positive or negative) you can find me at:
> 
> fatal-vision.tumblr.com


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